No Advice, No Solutions

Twelve out of the gate. A pending wedding and heavy personal calendar takes us down one for the duration. Eleven in the group now.

But, it's two weeks later and still.....everyone shows up. I'm grateful. That's really good considering they've read my first chapter - Hearing Your Own Voice - and they didn't kindly bow out or bring along a writing coach. (Okay, was she really getting married?)

The official start of the experiment. Before each session everyone reads a chapter (there are fifteen in total) filled with guided instruction on a focused topic. It's packed with my endless pontificating of what I've learned in all my years in the people business and is accompanied by questions to consider throughout. I call this self-reflection work, until I can think of something snappier.

The next five sessions (or chapters) will center on how to create the foundation for Personal Excellence. In other words, how to accomplish what you want in the most effect way possible. This means how to get out of your own way. Regardless of our current successes, every woman showed up this evening because they want more. This means making changes in how we think about things and generate results, which starts with self-awareness.

Since the ability to improve, adapt, or do things differently can often start with early contemplation - also known as denial - getting real with ourselves becomes paramount. Let me be really honest - self-awareness is how you get in the game of success and swim in the pool of happiness at work. For those poker players out there - it your ante into the game. (Just played poker, so it's fresh on the brain - sorry.) Little or no self-awareness....limited potential for changing your current reality.

The fastest route to learn more about yourself is curiosity and honesty without judgment. Since this doesn't come natural to all of us, the group was introduced to Inquiry; a staple for the role of listeners and vital for anyone wanting to understand themselves better. We learned the basic techniques of how to become better listeners and ask powerful questions to deepen self-understanding, while listening for themes. Then, we asked people to ditch advice or offering solutions in our focus group for a while. We made it off limits. Yup, we learned that our advice, however perfect we believe it to be, is dripping with prejudice from our own experiences and our solutions are limited projections of the future based on what we think it possible based on the past. This is the time to hear our own voice - not that of our fellow participant - hence the chapter title.

There were a couple of themes that emerged throughout the session - because many had not attempted to really define career success and what it means to them, it had escaped even the most talented; when we don't understand our true wants and desires (oppose to our parents', teachers', spouses' or managers' desires), making the right choices becomes very difficult; and, our happiness at work is connected to our happiness in life.

People started to open up tonight, but its still a bit guarded. I am inspired by their early commitment. More important, the group seems to leave with more questions than answers from the inquiry, so I'm assuming they will come back for the next session out of sheer curiosity. Because I am not totally confident, I offer wine and cheese at the conclusion in hopes sustenance and adult beverages entice them to return.