Twelve out of the gate. A pending wedding and heavy personal calendar takes us down one for the duration. Eleven in the group now.
But, it's two weeks later and still.....everyone shows up. I'm grateful. That's really good considering they've read my first chapter - Hearing Your Own Voice - and they didn't kindly bow out or bring along a writing coach. (Okay, was she really getting married?)
The official start of the experiment. Before each session everyone reads a chapter (there are fifteen in total) filled with guided instruction on a focused topic. It's packed with my endless pontificating of what I've learned in all my years in the people business and is accompanied by questions to consider throughout. I call this self-reflection work, until I can think of something snappier.
The next five sessions (or chapters) will center on how to create the foundation for Personal Excellence. In other words, how to accomplish what you want in the most effect way possible. This means how to get out of your own way. Regardless of our current successes, every woman showed up this evening because they want more. This means making changes in how we think about things and generate results, which starts with self-awareness.
Since the ability to improve, adapt, or do things differently can often start with early contemplation - also known as denial - getting real with ourselves becomes paramount. Let me be really honest - self-awareness is how you get in the game of success and swim in the pool of happiness at work. For those poker players out there - it your ante into the game. (Just played poker, so it's fresh on the brain - sorry.) Little or no self-awareness....limited potential for changing your current reality.
The fastest route to learn more about yourself is curiosity and honesty without judgment. Since this doesn't come natural to all of us, the group was introduced to Inquiry; a staple for the role of listeners and vital for anyone wanting to understand themselves better. We learned the basic techniques of how to become better listeners and ask powerful questions to deepen self-understanding, while listening for themes. Then, we asked people to ditch advice or offering solutions in our focus group for a while. We made it off limits. Yup, we learned that our advice, however perfect we believe it to be, is dripping with prejudice from our own experiences and our solutions are limited projections of the future based on what we think it possible based on the past. This is the time to hear our own voice - not that of our fellow participant - hence the chapter title.
There were a couple of themes that emerged throughout the session - because many had not attempted to really define career success and what it means to them, it had escaped even the most talented; when we don't understand our true wants and desires (oppose to our parents', teachers', spouses' or managers' desires), making the right choices becomes very difficult; and, our happiness at work is connected to our happiness in life.
People started to open up tonight, but its still a bit guarded. I am inspired by their early commitment. More important, the group seems to leave with more questions than answers from the inquiry, so I'm assuming they will come back for the next session out of sheer curiosity. Because I am not totally confident, I offer wine and cheese at the conclusion in hopes sustenance and adult beverages entice them to return.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Meeting the In-Laws
Well, tonight was our first career support group. It was both exciting and deeply awkward. For anyone who has enjoyed meeting their new in-laws for the first time - it felt very similar. You know why you're there, excitement is abound, everyone is checking each other out with a discerning eye, but there's lots of uncomfortable silence.
These women come from all walks of life, have different experiences, and represent almost every career scenario; unemployed, over-employed, underutilized, unhappy, one or two waiting on fame, and lots of "there has to be more than this". I received almost 50 emails in two days when I put the word out in October that I would be holding a career support group aimed at helping people to find "the recipe for rewarding work". It seems lot's of people are chasing happiness and success in this game of work.
In my twenty-five years working with great people in cool companies, I was always surprised how many unhappy and unsatisfied folks were nestled in their cubicles and offices just waiting for something better to come along. After all, I had lived this unfortunate phenomenon myself, so I got it. But, after some radical changes myself, this is my attempt at a science project to see if we can change the lives of these seemingly put-together and hip women by changing their existing career reality.
It wasn't a conscious decision to gather only women. I did have a few men raise their hands, but they SLOWLY backed away when I told them it was a year-long commitment. (stop snickering.) When it came time to conduct interviews and narrow the group down, only the girls had the guts to meet a total stranger in a coffee shop and share their stories, even if one of them did come equipped with mace and her cell phone pre-dialed to 911.
So here we are.....twelve women.....saying nothing in a group designed for sharing. I'm thinking that I quit my job at the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation (a job of a lifetime) to take this leap, so I hope they start to talk soon. My rambling is finally interrupted by a brave women - we'll call her Patty - who shares how she's feeling about showing up tonight. This starts a flood of comments from others. It appears my over-the-time excitement is met with a rainbow of emotions on the other end of the spectrum - anxiety, confusion, and even a little fear.
Our conversation quickly turns to what we tell our friends when we bump into each other at the grocery store. All of a sudden I transport myself to an AA meeting and contemplate whether we should kick off our meetings with "Hi, my name is Susan and I am not living up to my full potential!" We decide to call this a focus group, and move away from the sigma that comes from the term "support group". We wrap-up the evening reminding ourselves we are not here to find a job, but taking charge for creating greater career success - as defined by us, and on our terms.
Hopefully, that's enough to bring them back two weeks from now.
These women come from all walks of life, have different experiences, and represent almost every career scenario; unemployed, over-employed, underutilized, unhappy, one or two waiting on fame, and lots of "there has to be more than this". I received almost 50 emails in two days when I put the word out in October that I would be holding a career support group aimed at helping people to find "the recipe for rewarding work". It seems lot's of people are chasing happiness and success in this game of work.
In my twenty-five years working with great people in cool companies, I was always surprised how many unhappy and unsatisfied folks were nestled in their cubicles and offices just waiting for something better to come along. After all, I had lived this unfortunate phenomenon myself, so I got it. But, after some radical changes myself, this is my attempt at a science project to see if we can change the lives of these seemingly put-together and hip women by changing their existing career reality.
It wasn't a conscious decision to gather only women. I did have a few men raise their hands, but they SLOWLY backed away when I told them it was a year-long commitment. (stop snickering.) When it came time to conduct interviews and narrow the group down, only the girls had the guts to meet a total stranger in a coffee shop and share their stories, even if one of them did come equipped with mace and her cell phone pre-dialed to 911.
So here we are.....twelve women.....saying nothing in a group designed for sharing. I'm thinking that I quit my job at the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation (a job of a lifetime) to take this leap, so I hope they start to talk soon. My rambling is finally interrupted by a brave women - we'll call her Patty - who shares how she's feeling about showing up tonight. This starts a flood of comments from others. It appears my over-the-time excitement is met with a rainbow of emotions on the other end of the spectrum - anxiety, confusion, and even a little fear.
Our conversation quickly turns to what we tell our friends when we bump into each other at the grocery store. All of a sudden I transport myself to an AA meeting and contemplate whether we should kick off our meetings with "Hi, my name is Susan and I am not living up to my full potential!" We decide to call this a focus group, and move away from the sigma that comes from the term "support group". We wrap-up the evening reminding ourselves we are not here to find a job, but taking charge for creating greater career success - as defined by us, and on our terms.
Hopefully, that's enough to bring them back two weeks from now.
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