The Invisible Fence

What allows someone to achieve the results they desire in the workplace – and in life - while others strive, but stop short of their dreams? I believe it revolves around choice, the topic this month with our coach before we come back together as a group in early April.

When I think of my experiences over the last twenty-five years, those who experience greater success have blazed their own trail and made choices aligned with what they want and expect from life. For these folks, no isn’t an option. They create their own destiny. The knowledge of why they want something is internal and pinnacle; so much so, how to bring their aspirations to life is intuitive and non-negotiable. When faced with crossroads, they make the choice to persevere. They say yes to more.

Conversely, one of my frustrations was watching employees hand their power over by limiting the choices they'd consider. It’s as if there was an invisible fence that forced them to think and act small, and their choices followed suit. The fence was often paved with self-limiting beliefs and the ever popular “yeah-but” strategy. Yeah, I would (should, could) but….I don’t have the education, experience, aptitude….it’s not my job….it’s outside of my expertise. Heck, this stops action at the moment of contemplation!

I believe the yeah-but strategy is an attempt to escalate our self-doubts as true, limit our choices to what we think is reasonable, and makes our true desires just outside our reach. This leaves us with nothing but compromise, success with a little “s” and the reality of sitting in same territory time and time again.

If we want more success - we have to start thinking and acting like someone who has defined success with a big "S". I’m ready to for the fence to come down – are you?

Taking it to the Street

I had my first peer-to-peer coaching session today, and it dawns on me that those who are really committed to personal excellence are always learning about themselves, striving for a new level of accomplishment, and are filled with self-discipline. Personally, I hope I never hide behind the illusion that I’ve arrived.

I’ve been coached, and play the role of coach in my day job, so I am a little surprised when I walk away both invigorated, focused, and with a clearer sense of direction. I surfaced something getting in my way, and my coach helped me to move into action. I knew the coaching component was going to be a powerful, but this solidifies for me that we need to take this to the streets. What if we could create peer-to-peer coaching networks within organizations, associations or communities? Coaching could be made available to the masses. Little cost – and a whole lot of value.

Now that I'm ousted I have stuff to work on - I can't help but wonder if my story isn't part of the book, too. That feels like a kryptonite moment.....

Last to be Picked for Dodgeball

Do you remember grade school when they were picking teams for a friendly game of dodgeball? How about a quick game of pick-up or softball? There was always someone last to be picked. For those of us who lacked athletic prowess – these are not moments we neither cherished nor wanted to recreate. But alas, these are just the memories (and emotions) that floated to the surface when it was time to select our peer-to-peer coach a few days ago. (Everyone is both coach and coachee to a fellow group member.)

I can't help but wonder, what did the process tell us about ourselves?

Empowerment Starts at Contemplation

When it’s time to say to yourself, “I will be a better listener” – you want to be open, flexible, creative, and uninhibited when you contemplate the likelihood of taking this on. This was the topic tonight - how our attitude, disposition and how we view the world can either help or hinder our ability to attain greater professional success. Timely topic, since most of us are realizing there are a few things we might want to change as we strive for personal excellence.

Just like us tonight, when folks contemplate changing something about themselves or establish a goal, they subconsciously ask themselves “what if” before they ever make choices or take action. In other words, they want to weigh what it would mean to be a better listener, the benefits, the commitments, the reality of being successful, what they’ll need to change , give up, or start doing….for some, this can be an energizing activity and results in choices that lead to action. Tonight we described the folks who do this unencumbered, Optimists.

For the most part, the group agreed that being an optimist isn’t some Pollyanna or heavily medicated way to view the world, but mechanism to broaden perspective, problem-solve more creatively, and navigate difficult situations with greater ease. They see the glass half-full, seize the possibility in opportunities, picture their resiliency in advance, and often, don’t see failure as an option. This allows them to say "yes" to more and realize greater success. Some people see this as naivety, but I think these folks have been able to preserve the hope and belief that was preloaded at birth.

Well, not all of us are born optimists, so it’s no surprise we have some pessimists in our group, as well. (I am a recovery pessimistic myself.) Though they see the virtues of optimism, I can feel the hesitation of moving from the dark side. They did their homework, as well; pointing out that research now tells us that defensive pessimists also realize success. Yes, that’s right – they have the uncanny ability to manage their fear and anxiety by setting the bar low, thinking through all that could go wrong, and use this ankle-high view to prepare for all the potential pitfalls. Sounds empowering, huh?

Showing up as your best self and seizing untapped potential is much more than being an optimist, but this had our attention tonight. But, it’s these subtle shifts in perspectives and a bit more gravitas when folks gather around my kitchen table that calls me to end this entry with a declaration. I have officially changed this from a ‘focus group” to an empowerment group. The term focus group is just too passive for these women who are empowering themselves in their thoughts and actions.