The Boomerang Effect

An experience that comes to mind about this session's theme happened when I was a teenager. (I would use a more recent example, but I’d like to pretend this doesn’t happen anymore.) I had moved to Wales for a year, and was struggling to fit in and was feeling isolated. About a month in, one of the girls broached the awkward subject and I confessed I wasn’t feeling accepted. In maturity beyond her years, she explained the group hadn’t attempted to bring me into the fold because I seemed uninterested and aloof. I denied I felt I was better or had more interesting experiences than them, but in truth – that was exactly how I was feeling in this small community. My ego was telling me I was the hip American girl and a fish out of water, and apparently it was being broadcast to my classmates without my permission. I was experiencing exactly what I was putting out there.

When we have self-doubt, come from a place of ego, or insecurity – we create a self-fulfilling prophecy and limit our potential…..you don’t see anyone capable of mentoring you, and surprise, no one shows up to play that role. When you don’t trust yourself or others - people feel control or judgment. When we’re intimidated by high ego, we attract powerful bosses who keep us small because it serves them. When I place a high value on being tight with my boss and playing their confidant, I can’t be surprised when these types of relationships keep turning up. Or, don’t really want to be a leader, then don’t be astonished when folks don’t want to follow.

What we feel and how we think comes back to us in living color through our projections; the good, the bad, and the ugly. It works like a boomerang. When you launch from a place of self-assurance, trust, acceptance - cool stuff happens. When we project confidence and believe in ourselves, great projects show up, deeper relationships develop, and doors open. We've heard this in our group. The times characterized by grounded confidence, being steady on our feet, and working from a place of strength are the most powerful superhero moments. Self-doubt is kryptonite, so we are working on disposing of all that stuff.

When I started out on this project, I knew the most amazing, open, and willing participants were going to show up – who knew they’d have capes.

Eviction Notices for the Squatters

This session reminded me of the time when my traveling, free-spirited cousin spent time at the umbrella house. This was a communal house resurrected from the shell of a lovely abandoned building in downtown Manhattan. Over time, the house was taken over by a group of well-intentioned squatters. They bootlegged electricity, created makeshift beds, and even painted colorful umbrellas on the exterior of the house. I was awed at the irony (yes, and scared for her safety) when the cab dropped her off during a visit to New York, but was even more perplexed why the owner and police weren’t interested in the visitors who had invaded the building.

After tonight, I am convinced the squatters are one major obstacle to greater career success. We were born this beautiful shell of full potential and over time, we’ve allowed other people to move into our mind – our parents, partners, teachers, the bully on the playground, and all the accompanying experiences and expectations; both the good and bad. When it comes to asking what we want, how we want to show up in life, and taking the steps and accountability to reach new heights, the squatters start to speak up like they own the place….”an artist, are you crazy – you’ll never make a living” or “you’re not good at math, you can’t be an astronaut”. It’s no wonder so many people are struggling to make tethered career choices, we don’t know how to hear our own voice.

In the absence of self-awareness, we don’t have the ability to decipher our needs and wants, from those of the squatters. But that’s not all – unless you can get real with yourself, you walk through life making assumptions, perceiving yourself and others in an unrealistic light, and find it tough when it comes to navigating circumstances. In so many ways, self-awareness is the gateway to greater career success by redefining “how” you get things accomplished. It is not about giving up who you are, but bringing a deep self-understanding of your preferences, how you impact others, and an openness to employ a new emotion, behavior or belief to create a new career potential. (Sorry, this has the pungent smell of preaching, so I’ll move on.)

So, tonight – we had a group of doers show up, including myself. We are a society that takes heed of those who accomplish things, so taking the time to slow down, ask yourself questions, and quiet the mind is met with thoughts of being self-indulgence, frivolous, and the word impatience surely comes to mind. We were all supposed to pick an activity (walking, meditating, journaling) to incorporate into our repertoire and most of us have spotty success in this category. Most of us found ourselves focusing on more pressing things - mostly kids, work & outside commitments. It's so easy to put our own needs in the backseat. In all fairness, we had one person who started journaling, a few who took walks, but for most, quieting the mind was as appealing as kissing a frog – even if you know there’s a prince on the other side.

But, that’s okay. The process of talking out loud and having folks ask us questions is proving more powerful than we could have imagined. There’s a collective sign, and we commit to try some new tactics before we come back together again. But only after we acknowledge the squatters and start the eviction process.

Look for moving boxes in your neighborhood.