Lipstick without a Dream

I received her email a few hours before the coming out party. Though she said she'd be late to our celebration, my gut told me she wouldn’t show up at all that evening. As I drove to the Columbia Tower Club, I brushed off my projected disappointment and put myself back into character and prepared to enjoy the evening.

I only knew Kelly on a cursory level when she joined the group last January. Though we were distant colleagues in a past life, she was still a virtual stranger. I was a little perplexed as to why she wanted to join the group, even after our interview. She always seemed so confident and articulate. She’s wicked smart – a Columbia grad – and she projects a rare of combination of critical thinking, compassion and curiousity. Her career is a smattering of interesting and eclectic career paths, but she was still searching: social work, martial arts, working with youth, coaching, and for the last few years she’s worked in a project and support capacity. She is underutilized and frustrated, but even after our initial meeting – I wonder if she’ll help others more than we’ll help her.

But, looks can be deceiving. Kelly proved to be a complex person. Though all the raw ingredients are present – there’s a shadow in Kelly that keeps her small and blocks her ability to hear her soul. Her mind is inhabited by unproductive strategies that have become her constant companions and, it’s as if they self-sabotage her ability to fully embrace and leverage all that is good in her. In our meetings, she’d open up, let us in briefly and then, surrender to the comfortable. Then, we wouldn’t hear from Kelly for a while, even when she physically showed up for our meetings. That's why I knew she wasn't coming to our celebration.

The party was in full force when we finally connected on the phone. She was still home, lipstick on, but she conveyed she had little to say about next year, let along five years from now. She didn't have a dream. I acquiesce. I’ve come to love her, so I wade in disappointment only momentarily before I assure her it’s okay.

When we meet today, she assures me she's in a good spot, her progress is slow, but there are real moments of realization. And, I understand change takes time when we have a lifetime of emotions, behaviors and habits that get in our way. Especially, if we believe they are holding us captive and we are powerless. After all, I've learned we are what we think.

For whatever reason, Kelly wasn’t able to create the clearing she needed so she could design a career that is an extension of who she is at her best, because she's still figuring that out. I suspect happiness sometimes seeps in slowly…and it needs more assistance than a well-intentioned novice. And, as she takes the step to get some outside assistance I know...her soul is waiting patiently...until she's ready to hear the whispers.