Reframing Unflattering Beliefs

I find myself in a cloud this weekend. I’ve been really sick for the second time this summer, and I wonder what this is trying to bring my attention to…but, that’s not why you are reading this blog…so, I’ll move on.

I woke up today with some energy for the first time in a week. I opted to attend a monthly support group that gets my attention intermittently. The group is comprised of alum from the personal effectiveness seminar I attended a few years ago, which I highly recommend by the way. There was something telling me to get my ass out of bed, so against the better judgment of those who love me – I was off to gather with a group of almost perfect strangers with my benign cough in tow.

There were eight of us who showed up on this marvelous summer morning. As I walked through the door, I decide that am going to participate fully and push myself outside of my comfort zone. That alone is enough to regret my decision as I sit down in the circle of chairs. But I was called to attend this morning because there is something inside me that is resisting the progress I want for myself, so I see this morning as a vehicle to look for clues. And aha – our focus today is on beliefs – limiting beliefs. Those nagging beliefs that get in the way of living the life we deserve. A coincidence, you say? I think not.

UGH, at the announcement of the topic, I feel a wave of nausea roll me around. The feeling takes me to a visceral memory of being pulled under a wall of water as I innocently entered the ocean for the first time when I was a child. I was lost in the waves and wondering if I would ever find air again. For a split second, I contemplate leaving.

But I stay. We are asked to write down three limiting beliefs we have about ourselves. At first, I tell myself I am confident and don’t have any negative thoughts rolling around in my head any longer. Then I get real with myself and decide to be more vulnerable. It’s like I am undressing in front of these people, but then I realize – they are getting naked too. (Not literally, but figuratively – of course.) And, I write on one of my cards, “showing my emotions makes me vulnerable.”

A belief starts with a passing thought or an experience. But, it’s when we start making decisions to support this new truth that we make this belief true in every cell of our being. As I write my belief, a memory of me crying as a child comes into my mind. I couldn’t tell you how old I was, but I remember my mom telling me, “now, I know how to get you to take a nap in the middle of the day.” On that day, I remember telling myself I wouldn’t cry anymore. In fact, I’d spent many years holding back my emotions because I thought I needed to be strong. Or, maybe it was about control. Obviously, this was still plaguing me today even though I feel I’ve made good progress over the years.

We spend the rest of the day reframing our beliefs to create an inner dialog that is more productive. The first step was for someone to read my words to me – as if they were their words. When they came from someone else’s mouth, the statement seemed just silly. Of course that wasn’t true! Then we went around the room and we were offered a counter-point - or reframe – to our beliefs. Though I left with many, my favorite is “I am safe & I am loved; I risk being all of me all the time.”

Signing off – the strong and vulnerable me.